EWA Wednesday Night


---On the Gi-Screen appears Peter Piper in a chair alongside none other than Jon Tees.--- ::Piper:: Hello Joanie, good to see you as always. ::Tees:: I Wish I could say the same, get my name right dick weed it's Mr. Tees to you and the rest of these inbred douche bags. ::Piper:: ... I guess we might as well start the shooting eh Janine? Alright fantastic... First off we'll start with the big one, there's been a bit of a buzz backstage. Rumors flying around about Tees wishing he could've had one more round... 'Hey guys did ya hear? Tees is thinking of trying to Mulligan his "Last mile"!' ... any truth to these words of the street? ::Tees:: As far as I go expect the unexpected but it would be a typical act of stupidity for you asinine assholes to assume that've seen the last of Mr. Tees ::Piper:: Alright well let's play a game here. As you know, but our fans are just now about to find out Jenny, Alexander is going to be hosting a tournament for the now vacated EWA Title that was initially supposed to be strapped around your waist at Riot... Now supposing those afformentioned rumors were true... Disregarding whatever you JUST said... remember this IS a hypothetical question Jasmine.......Would you participate? ::Tees:: I might then again I might not. Taking the world title of this place is easier than taking candy from a baby. These wrestlers are garbage who don't even realize how truly crappy they are. They all suck and none of them could lace my damn boots or carry my jock strap. ::Piper:: Did you take your Midol today Janet? Moving onward... It's a common fact that you are an influential man behind the curtain. How do you see the company right now? ::Tees:: If you pile shit on top of a garbage dump you'll have EWA plain and simple. The wrestlers are shit and the place itself is garbage. But I aim to fix that and bring some quality and credibility to this place and take out the proverbial trash, by that I mean the unworthy and untalented wrestlers. The people who no show and make excuses they aren't people who I recruited. They are the very garbage of which I speak. These are the people that will experience my wrath in time and will find themselves destroyed and replaced by talent that is more to my liking. Me and my people are going to clean up EWA and get rid of the filth around here. ::Piper:: Okay now that was just plain MEAN Jerry curl.... But next Question... Who, or what to you... is our greatest asset right now? ::Tees:: Me Plain and simple even a stupid simpleton like you should realize that. Without me this place wouldn't exist at all it would have imploded and destroyed itself long ago. ::Piper:: OooH! Okay we're almost done Jamie stay with me here... These last couple might get tricky... Where do you see EWA heading? ::Tees:: Down the toilet as it has been unless I step in and save it. OF course I may just sit back and watch it sink for the hell of it. Mark my words this place needs me more than I need it. These fuckers in the back would die without me!. ::Piper:: ... Alright Joanne... Let's see what you can do with this one shall we.... IF... you made a return... and entered into the Tournament... how do you feel that you would fare...AAANNND... Who do you see... as the biggest threat? Knowing that RIGHT THIS SECOND Jessica, that only Alexander Caine... knows the tenative participants list... Just go off of what you know, and you should be fine Juanita.... ::Tees:: I view no one is a threat as I'd encounter no one worthy of being in the same ring with me. I've done it all in my time, more than these worthless ass fucks will ever do. But coming back may prove to be too boring to me due in large part to the lack of competition. So for that reason I may not return after all. Not because I couldn't hack it but because I'd find no challenge by doing so not in EWA anyway. I find promotions like EWA particularly boring as they offer me no real challenge in terms of competition. But who the hell really knows... I'm expectedly unexpectable... ================================================================ ::Jim:: Wow... How do you feel about that Peter? ::Peter:: Shut it. ::Zenn:: How do YOU feel about that Jim? ::Jim:: I don't... I'm drunk. Hic ::PA System:: I'm living on shattered faith ,The kind that likes to restrict your breath. Never been a better time than this, Suffocate on eternal bliss. Drain the Blood hits the speaker's as the original punk walks on to the entrance ramp; the fans go into hystarics and watch the legend makes his way to center stage. Spaz is wearing a leather jacket that has "EWA" patched down both sleeves. Spaz cuts the music off by waving his right hand across his throat and makes his way down the ring slapping the occasional, and seemingly one out of every two hundred, fan's hand on the way. Spaz gets into the ring and waits for the music to die down before he reaches into his pants pocket, removes a blank envelope and then The Misfit calls for a mic. He grasps the mic, and envelope in his right hand while lighting a smoke with his left. He then smiles as he puffs the cigarette smoke out into the arena air and waits till the crowd has calmed down. ::Spaz:: You all maybe wondering about why I chose to come out here. I mean I have been gone for what seems like forever and what do I get. I get a bunch of people that wasted their money on this show and a slap in the face from them as well. ::Peter:: I thought he was quitting? ::Jim:: That was the rumor. ::Zenn:: If the president comes out here it means that he has something on his mind. It also shows that he will never leave EWA. ::Spaz:: Well the rumor's are false. I am not leaving EWA right now and if I do plan on coming out of retirement it will be on my own terms. But right now I want to take you back to Kaige and James' comments three weeks ago. ::Jim:: I hate rumors. ::Spaz:: You two claim that while in Scarred that I hid in the back and did next to shit... but Maybe you dumbshits forgot I had to go in a match alone because of you Caine and that nearly ended my damn career. As for Kaige When did you do anything BUT... turn your back to Scarred, you guys are both nothing but fucking jokes. And tonight all of you fans will get to see James Caine put his Iron man title on the line against the name in this envelope..... Spaz opens the envelope and pulls out a card revealing the contenders name. The Misfits face drops in shock for a moment before he bursts into a fit of rage. He throws down his smoke and shakes his head yelling things that would turn a sailor's face red. ::Piper:: What the hell is wrong with him? ::Zenn:: Who is it?Who is it?Who is it?Who is it?Who is it?Who is it?Who is it?Who is it? ::Jim:: Jeez will you calm down Sparky... Damn! ::Spaz:: Well it looks like I am coming out of retirement because the name in the envelope reads "The Misfit". So Caine if you thought that insulting my career would carry you over with the fans than you have another thing coming. ::Random Ass Laughter:: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! James Caine steps through the curtain and onto the stage. ::Piper:: This is funny? ::Zenn:: Apparently... ::James Caine:: Ha ha ha ha....exhaleInhale* ..........BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ::Jim Coors:: Is that really that funny guys? ::James Caine:: hAaaah ha...ha.....aaah....exhale phoo phoo phoo....Okay...ok...Oh god... That's a laugh and a fucken half. ::Zenn:: HEY!!! CENSOR! CENSOR! CEN-BEEP-! ..... awww F-Beep-k ::James Caine:: No really... Alexander swore on my sister in law's life...... with your name???!!! DAMN THAT BOY HATES HIS MOMMA! ::Spaz:: Why don't you bring your arrogant ass in the ring and laugh then Jeckyll boy. ::James Caine:: Oh you actually wanna do this... Gear or no gear? ::Spaz:: COME ON DOOOOWN CHICKENDICK! YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON KICK MY ASS PLEASE! ::James:: You do recall that I killed you once....I can do it again... for real if you like this time... Spaz and Caine stare at each other for a moment while the crowd is hushed. Caine drops his mic and Spaz does the same. The tension in the arena is volatile, and could explode any second when suddenly a body flies in from the audience smashing Caine to the ground, and hailing on him with stiff rights. ::Zenn:: Holy Mindfreak! ::Jim Coors:: Chris Angel is such a fag... ::Piper:: HARDCORE JONO! ::Jim Coors:: He uses cameras and his tricks are FAR TOO SIMPLE... Walk on water... walk on glass and step over a gap less than a foot wide...WOW! Hardcore Jono it was indeed who had jumped the rail and tackled Caine then pummeled him into last Tuesday. Jono grabs Cain by the scruff of his neck and walks him to the ring as Spaz smiles tossing the envelope aside. The camera moves to a close up of the envelope revealing the tape along the back, and the previously torn edges. ::Piper:: This is a Setup! ::Zenn:: Spaz knew what was happening all along? ::Coors:: Well... gee....wow.....moment of clarity... Spaz smiles as Caine is rolled into the ring and begins to stomp the dog shit out of Caine. James is helpless on the mat as Jono enters and joins in the stomping. (DING!DING!DING!) ::Coors:: Okay.. this is the part where the good guy comes to the rescue... Right? ::Piper:: Jim... There are no good guys anymore... At least there are none for James... He's burned all his bridges here in EWA. ::Zenn:: He's completely on his own... Spaz backs off as Jono continues. Spaz catches his breath and then halts Jono. Spaz grabs Caine and taunts him up close and signals for The End when Caine suddenly Kicks Spaz right in the mid section Leaps, turning around in mid air and cathing Spa's jaw over his shoulder and bringing Spaz's chin hard into it as he lands on the mat. Caine is nailed immediately by Jono with a nasty kick to the face. ::Zenn:: He looked like he was kicking a PAT... ::Piper:: Brian... last time... this isn't Dallas anymore... Spaz gets up slowly rubbing his jaw as Jono holds Cain in some sort of submission hold. Spaz looks down at him then leaves the ring and returns with a slaptacker. Spaz smiles ruthlessly and mouths off to the crowd and pointing to his soon to be victim. "IRON-MAN!!!! WE'LL SEE!!!!" ::Coors:: Bleh I think I'm gonna be sick... ::Zenn:: Pussy... You've seen worse... Spaz lines up with Caine's forehead as Jono holds a side face and arm lock in place, then slaps the roofing tool into Caine's forehead, leaving a good four to five staples lodged into his already bandaged forehead. Spaz then signals for Jono to stand him up and Jono follows the order to the tee. Caine is bleeding massively and looks about to pass out as Spaz moves around behind him and Ducks his head between Caine's legs placing him on his shoulders. Spaz says something to Jono who nods and leaves the ring while Spaz walks around with Caine on his shoulders, Taunting the crowd. ::Piper:: IS he gonna use the Psycho Crusher on him? That's his own finisher! James suddenly springs to life and rolls Spaz up. Terry Fritzpatrick who at some random point had snuck into this match slides in to count. 1... 2.. Kickout on Two. Jono reenters the ring with a trash can full of what looks like shattered glass, thumbtacks, and a shitload of ocotillo branches. Jono sets the can upright and nearly takes James head clean off with a violent clothesline. Spaz is back on his feet as Jono slams Caine down over his knee as if he were playing the last note of a hard rock riff. Spaz smiles and nods as he tells Jono to stand Caine back up and again Spaz sets Caine on his shoulders. He walks him forward a bit and then flips Caine head overand back first on top of the upright garbage can crumpling the aluminum and impaling all the sharp pointy objects within into the back of the Motor city Madman. The Misfit drags him back and holds his arms for a cover as Fritzpatrick counts. 1... 2... 3.. ::Piper:: KICKOUT!!! ::Coors:: BULLSHIT! (DING!DING!DING!) ::Piper:: Yea I was just joshin ya... He's done.. It's over... ::Laura Layne:: HERE IS YOUR WINNER...and NEW....IRON MAN CHAMPION.... THE PRESIDENT MISFIT....SPAZ! ::Zenn:: You brought this on yourself Caine....On yourself... Spaz is handed the title as Caine lays bleeding in the ring. Spaz turns to Jono and nods prompting Jono to leave the ring. Jono heads towards the commentay booth and retrieves two large white buckets. He gets them into the ring and exits the way he came in... through the crowd. Spaz hoists the first bucket high into the air, and turns it over above Caine who is crawling towards the edge of the ring on his hands and knees blood coming from his back, and face. Salt showers down upon him and he screams in agony. ::Piper:: Alright... that was totally sickening.... but TOTALLY COOL... ::Coors:: This is TOTALLY CRUEL! Spaz smiles satanically as he throws the bucket up the ramp and retrieves the second. Again he holds it up and dumps it on the writhing Caine. This time a clear liquid falls atop the bleeding Caine's back, bubbling upon contact. ::Zenn:: Oh Fuc-Blip-! Alcohol! Caine cries out in pain, his back still fizzing as he reaches for the ropes and the screen goes to commercial. [Back to ~Rez~]